A Haunted House for a Person with an SPD

Halloween is filled with the whisperings of people wanting to go to Haunted Houses, Haunted Hayrides, and what not. But for a person like me I don't need to spend the $20-$60 to go to a Haunted House. I can go to one for free!

You see I have something called an SPD or a Sensory Processing Disorder as it is more widely known. The reason I can go to a Haunted House for free is because our definitions of Haunted Houses are similar yet different.

People go to Haunted Attractions to have other people scare them and cause their body to go into a fake panic/ fight or flight response. They go to enjoy the fear that they feel. They enjoy their heightened senses, which are caused by the mixture of sensory deprivation (the dark with occasional lights takes away the ability for your eyes to adjust and therefore takes away your sense of sight), the sounds, sometimes the smells, and especially the touch...

But for me, all I need to do to get that feeling is to go into a room of people. Family parties and trips are my Haunted Houses. Eating dinner with a group of girls from my dorm is also my Haunted House. I can not stop the fight or flight feeling that builds inside of me because everything feels and sounds so much louder than it does for others. The overload of sensory information eventually triggers the (Severe) Generalized Anxiety Disorder (that I also have) and causes me to shut down. The only way to stop it is to isolate myself and hide. I wish that I didn't have to do this but it is necessary.

My Apologies

Sorry I have not updated in a while! I'm back though with good news!

I.

Am.

A.

Published.

AUTHOR-ress!

I have a published children's book that I was both the Author and Illustrator for!

So awesome!

I also started college, so I gave myself a break to adjust.

I'm back now though so prepare for more blogs!

The Essay that got me into my dream College:

I twitch to the beat of my own drum

when the thrum, thrum, thrum of my heart is done

I’ll have changed the world one by one.

The world will know my name

I’ll put a stop to endless shame

and show them this is not a game.

Twitching makes me who I am

my heart is a priceless gem.

This twitching world refuses to see

that twitches do not ruin me.

I twitch until the break of dawn

I twitch all twitching night long

And on

And on

And on

A burden does not twitching make

I can do what all others do for goodness sake!

I can build a boat and hope it floats

Across the majestic Lake Fred

Or throw on boots at crack of dawn

And make my way across the eastern lawn

To the trail where Pine warblers and Eastern Phoebes return

And sing their joyful songs of spring.

Or watch the Ospreys upon the lake

Catching the fish their talons take, hold,

Onto the passing days,

Never forget the many ways,

That I will grow and change.

I love Noyes when the night is young

And whispers here and there have begun.

I’ll save the ducks,

Make my quest in ARGO,

Be taken to different worlds with Idols of the Tribe,

And keep an Active Mind,

This world can be dark,

For those who aren’t

“Normal” like the rest.

But normality is bland

And difference is a bold splash

on the grayness of the world.

I aim to change,

To help,

To prevent,

To show the world around.

There is no set normality,

Difference make me,

Me,

And I,

will not rest until the day

when all of us can twitch away.

Who is Twitch?

My real name isn't important, not many people get it right anyway, so for now just call me "Twitch".

I am:

• A girl
• Age: 18
• Height: Short

And I am set to graduate High School on June 20th of this year.

My name is Twitch...

My name is Twitch...

My name is, Twitch.

Three is an okay number I prefer five but three does the job most of the time.

My name is Twitch.

My name is Twitch.

Five.  I prefer five, almost everything I do is in increments of five...

The volume of the television must go up by fives.

10,

Not loud enough.

15,

Still not loud enough.

20,

Too loud.

15

This is fine.

If a word is spelled wrong on paper it must be rewritten five times.

wrong

wrong

wrong

Wrong

Wrong.
When I walk through the hallway to my English I pass doors 111-107, 107 being my classroom.
I whisper...
10
9
8
7
I'm at the room I need to go into, I pause.
6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... 0
I can enter now.

My name is Twitch and I have OCD.

OCD, otherwise known as Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.  Is a disorder characterized by ritualistic behaviors and uncontrollable, unwanted thoughts.  These obsessions seem irrational to people who do not have OCD, but for people like me... they mean everything.  In the winter my hands are usually cracked so badly that they bleed... they would be the same way in the summer if it were not for the fact that I can get away with washing my hands in mostly scalding water and not have to worry about the cold causing these cracks.  In the halls of my school I can often be seen tapping every other locker as I pass, or if there are no lockers around I will be seen tapping the bricks or corners of walls.

My name is Twitch and I am afraid.

I dread the unknown...

I dread mostly everything.

My name is Twitch and I have Severe Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

Everyday I wake up and a sense of dread settles over me.  I can not take a bus, unless I am coming home.  I feel as if everything horrible in the world that could happen will happen.  I have had many anxiety attacks and a handful of panic attacks.  GAD is characterized as excessive worrying, so much so that it is debilitating.

My name is Twitch and I suck at social interaction.

I hate when my routine changes suddenly.

I have trained myself to look beyond a person's shoulder to have the appearance of looking into their eyes.

Loud noises,

High pitched noises,

and even soft noises make me want to rip my ears off.

I can not wear those socks that have the string inside of them.

My name is Twitch and I have Asperger's Syndrome.

Asperger's Syndrome is a high functioning form of Autism.  People affected by Asperger's do not have delays in language development and often are quite verbose.  Although they do tend to have motor delays which leads to clumsiness and/or uncoordinated movements. And... of course, people with Asperger's tend to be "socially awkward".

My name is Twitch and I twitch...

My eyes slam shut and refuse to open for short periods of time.
My knuckles must be cracked always.
My wrists must roll.
And so shall my ankles.
My back must arch backwards.
My head must go side to side.
My neck must make a 'crack' noise.
My shoulders must shrug.
My legs must twist inwards rendering me incapable of walking.
My face must twist into a grimace.
My throat must be cleared.
I also need to hum.
Or spew out all the air from my lungs.
Sometimes I must scream.
Or repeat the words of others and myself.

My name is Twitch and I have Severe Complex Tourette Syndrome.

Gilles de la Tourette Syndrome is a neurological disorder consisting of multiple involuntary movements, both motor and vocal.

Tourette Syndrome is a bitch...
But at least it's always there.
It's my one constant in this big world I call home.

I have always been different...

But being different is awesome.